On becoming an Athlete and Runner

As I continue to progress on my fitness regime, I have thought a bit about my self image and what it means now that I am active and getting into shape. Had you asked me the last time I was relatively fit (roughly 11 years ago, in the Military) whether I was an athlete, I would have laughed at the notion, and probably gone on to congratulate myself on my hating of exercise and my wishing for a sedentary life.

Of course, even when I was relatively fit, I thought I was fat. I think I have always seen myself that way.

After removing the military from my life, and was free to choose my own path and fitness level, I definitely met my expectations of that sedentary life, as well as dealing with the weight gain associated with it. Thinking then of being fit wasn't even desired. I don't know why I have always hated exercise, probably because I was lazy. Even when boot camp forced me into getting fit, I hated it.

Of course since the military, when I started gaining tremendous amounts of weight, I didn't care. I, of course, didn't like the changes I was making to my body. I used the slow metabolism excuse, like many of us do. I would eat pretty lightly around other people, and when nobody was looking, I would eat a bunch. I would weekly down a large pizza solo and think nothing about it. I would look at skinny people, and wonder how the hell they could sit around and eat the way they do and always be skinny. It really pissed me off, but not apparently enough to do anything about it. My self image was deteriorating rapidly, and it was low already, even when I was fairly fit in the military.

After my weight loss surgery, and the changes to my life that have all occurred lately, including marital, financial, and physical, I have started to realize that I was killing myself, and none too slowly. Although the weight loss surgery was one aspect of my continued improvement, starting to get active was the other. After a friend convinced me (unbeknownst to her) that I could get fit and that it started seeming to be realistic that I could get there, I started doing what I always do when I get motivated to do something. I learn everything about it I can. I read books, websites, and join groups that help educate me.

Many of the books I chose to read were semi-motivational in nature as well. They stated that I have been doing all the activities that qualify me for calling myself an athlete and runner. Now that is a big deal. I may be only 3 months into my fitness training, but I am committed to doing it for life. I may not be a competitive or even professional athlete, but I am one all the same. I run, therefore I am a runner. Its as simple as that. I may not be as fit as I will be next year, but I progress at a relatively steady pace, and amazingly enough am starting to enjoy it....er...at least I am enjoying the feeling I am getting when done with the activity, as well as the boost to my self-confidence when I make a new personal record. I do still fight a daily morning battle to get my butt out of bed and work out. When I look in the mirror, I often still see myself at 400 lbs. I know now that it a temporary state, though, and am not bothered as much by it. I know that I like much more of what I see looking back at me than I used to.

I know now that I am an athlete, because I can honestly say I am in training and working out daily. Hell, I am in training for a 5-K run, scheduled next month, and am working hard to be in shape enough to run most if not all of it. Completing it is my main goal, and I don't care if I walk some, or even all of it. I am still running at just over a walking pace, and such as quoted from John Bingham, one of the more famous authors on running, I am fully qualified as a "Penguin Runner" and "Amateur Athlete" and am proud of it.